More Random Thoughts :)

Right,



I have been having some serious thinks recently, so here goes...



Firstly, I have never before realised how useful blogger can actually be. For people like me who suddenly have lots of random thoughts and are extremely prone to babbling forever onwards in what started as quite a promising conversation, I can COMPLETELY recommend it. So, for that, blogger, I salute you! :)



Secondly, but by no means more importantly or less importantly than the first point, I really really love writing. To the point that I am even thinking about becoming a writer. Obviously I shall get myself a proper career before I entertain the notion fully, because I more than others fully understand the fact that fame does not come quickly or smoothly. I'm not really surely what type of writer I wish to be, but fiction really does get me going. I suppose it is the whole thing where you can just get lost inside the pages of something, something that unless you actually take it upon you to peep inside and explore the pages, the words, then that thing will remain undiscovered. It my opinion, it is one of the many precious things that have not been invaded by technology and modernism. Well, not yet, not fully. Which, in my opinion, is pure brilliance.



So, in shorter words, I do want to be a writer. However, I fear that this ambition that I feel for words and paper is just like one of those new-found dreams that if told, they become shattered and fall to dust at our regretful feet. It just seems such a shame to me that we have to life in the world, because to me, the world of fiction and imagination is much better, much bigger, and most importantly, far more beautiful. Once again, this petty notion of mine is far beyond the reaches of common sense and useable practicality, so therefore I am thought of a werid or strange, purely because I do not follow the way of the crowd, don't follow the flows of the river that ultimately lead to the end of the rainbow and therefore to worldly riches and happiness. No, I do not follow that river, but neither do I go against it, and kick the dirt of fake "individualness" upon myself, as many others do. I, in my prized world of all that is old and ancient, historic, but still within that space and time that is modern, I stand still. I stand still and let my mind wander of my thoughts and feelings, let myself think up new thoughts, passages and messages out of the incidents and everyday happenings I see played out around me.

As you can see and possibly imagine, I often get confused, but I certainly do not get upset or let myself feel threatened, simply because I don't mix with those things that are sometimes in the river, but that are mostly within my little bubble that would cause me to feel those horrible feelings that many often fall victim to. I see it as my duty to overcome my problems in order to help out those who are unable to overcome theirs. Unfortunately however, my help is usually not wanted, so the only power I have when the situations of the treasured people in my life turn topsey-turvey is prayer. So, although they do not know it, I have more power to help those in trouble or hurt than those who have the ability of interference, which I often see as a shame.



Despite all of this, I have no bitterness within my life. I do not see the point in holding a pointless grudge because I know that the power of forgiveness is so much stronger and far more sweeter than that of revenge. God has given me this, my life, my small precious life, and so far I have thoroughly enjoyed it, and I really do look forward to the future. And, to all those I have said that I hate, I can promise them that I don't, and comfort them with the fact that despite all the private and disgusting thoughts I had and still, sadly have against them, that they are fully deserving of everything they have and everything they are given, even if it means that I do not get anything.



To be honest, I really don't quite know what this is meant to be. It's not a testimony, for I don't know what one of those is. It's certainly not a suicide note. I suppose it is just me putting my life into perspective, because for a girl about to take her GSCEs it is important to make sure that the levels of confusion she is bound to feel in the period just ahead of her, are heavily depleted. I know that not many are going to read this, but those rare few that may come across it, I pray that you will remember me and will one day, maybe, read my books, and that you will give me your verdict swiftly after reading them. I, like so many people have big hopes for the future, but I also know that I more than it should be considered healthy, have my head int he clouds. But, I can say with the fullest reassurance and binding promise that I must be the happiest head in the clouds.



Right now, I realise that I am saying "I" alot, and usually I would and should say sorry, but for once I am focussing upon myself, for I know that it is key for me to do it if I wish to uphold my sanity and abosolute brilliant happiness and contentedness in the near and far future.



To all of this, God is my witness, most certainly he is. I wish just to say thankyou to the one person I know for definate will read this, and if he is bored, I say sorry, but its just what I want you and everyone else who knows me to read, because finally I know that I have summed up myself completely in this blog, warts and all. God bless you,CLibra. :) And, may God bless everyone else who chances upon this blog. Even those who would view me as a freak or deluded num-nuts.